Miss Nigeria 2013, Ezinne Akudo Talks About Stopping Rape And Helping Victims
About a year ago, I watched my friend go through the
harrowing ordeal of trying to recover from rape; it was an
experience that changed her life.
...and mine as well. Its
easier to shrug off certain painful experiences when they
happen to faceless names you neither know nor have a
relationship with. Most of us don't really understand how
horrific such things could be until it strikes close to home; a
friend, a loved one, a family member.
One thing I haven't yet understood, despite my numerous
pondering, is what the average rapist gains from inflicting
such violence on another human being.
How can a human
being gain pleasure in debasing a lady while watching her
go through hell in the process? I know there are all kinds of
psychological, sociological and even spiritual explanations
for why the mind of a man could be so warped as to
engage in such dastardly acts. However, in the face of the
reality of the effects on the victim, I must admit that my
mind still has great difficulty in grasping any kind of
explanation to justify such behaviour.
Everyday I see
headlines of rape cases and I'm seriously grieved. Not just
for the victims but also for our nation because it seems to
me that this phenomenom has become an insatiable
monster eating away at the fabric of our society and little is
being done to curb its rampage. If you aren't fed up, I
definitely am. Which brings me to the most important
question of all: How do we stop this madness and help
those who have been affected by it?
The key to dealing effectively with any issue is to first of all
see it for what it is. Rape is one of if not the most brutal
and atrocious gender-based form of violence that can be
committed against women. Women are violated not just
physically but also psychologically and apart from that, the
devastating effects on rape survivors leave behind a
complicated tangle of problems that make dealing with it a
whole lot harder.
One of the major problems associated with rape cases is
that victims who have survived rape ordeals are usually
reluctant to speak about it for reasons such as the stigma
attached to having been raped, the difficulties faced in
obtaining a conviction, fear of being rejected by loved ones
and family members, fear of public humiliation and the
difficulty of giving a positive or accurate identification of the
perpetrator. (It is important to know that in cases where
the victim and perpetrator previously had a sexual
relationship, the victim's chances of obtaining a conviction is
diminished). Despite these hurdles to openness, there are
cases where the victim sometimes confides in another to
ease the burden and often their first contact automatically
takes upon the role of a counsellor. This may be a family
member, friend, police officer, doctor, psychologist or
psychiatrist. The way this 'counsellor' reacts will, more
often than not, determine how quickly the healing proccess
is triggered to help victims recover and get over their
injuries and trauma.
Now here is a fact; most times, these pseudo- counselors
are, more-often-than-not, ordinary people who have no
form of experience or professional training whatsoever to
provide the proper response needed. Sometimes, washed
over by feelings of inadequacy, futility, shock and a vast
plethora of human emotions, such people resort to what
they think is the best response which usually turns out to be
not what the victim needs at that moment.
I've had the
unfortunate experience of having to comfort/encourage
some friends who were raped or abused, and I can assure
you it is not an easy thing. It was almost as painful for me
as it was for them. This is not always a matter of empathy,
as those feelings of inadequacy strike, no matter how
sympathetic you feel. In instances where that much needed
comfort and assurance is lacking, the victim usually
withdraws, having failed to get the initial desired response
and its usually harder for them to open up beyond that
point, stifling the healing process.
One of the ways I think we can help in our own little way is
to become aware that this is a real threat and that there is
a possibility that we might come across at least one rape
victim in our life time, judging from the frequency of its
occurence. How we respond to these suvivors can set them
on the path to recovery.While we work to eliminate rape
and abuse, let us see ourselves as part of those who will
take responsibility for helping rape survivors.That means
that we must prepare ourselves for the eventuality of
handling such cases because a task this sensitive should not
be taken for granted. I would advise everyone reading this
to do a little research on how exactly to deal with a rape
victim. Thanks to the 21st century, you don't have to take a
1 year course to learn the basics as most of these
information are at our fingertips. I stumbled upon an
interesting resource material on the web that would prove
extremely helpful to anyone interested in knowing the
basics. http://www.bandbacktogether.com/How-To-Help-Someone-Heal-From-Sexual-Assault/
I urge you to take out some time and check out this link, as
well as other sites that have helpful material on the subject.
Let us remember that to cause a change, someone must
decide to take responsibility. However, there is one person
in this world whose decisions you have the most control
over and that person is YOU. When 'someone' becomes
YOU, then YOU become the change you want to see. May
God give us all the grace we need as we make a personal
commitment to making a difference and rebuilding broken
lives.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
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